Sometimes I'll be sitting calmly at my desk at work when I'll remember something particularly embarrassing from my past. A girl I tried to flirt with who wasn't having any of it. Something deplorable I said in middle school. That time I hurt a friend's feelings.

Such memories are accompanied by the following thought, "I hate myself". Then there's a whole other category of dark thoughts related to mortality that pop up like Wack-A-Moles. I'll find myself with nothing to do after completing a task, and then the dread slips in, seducing me into a tiny spiral, "What does any of this mean?"

For the past few weeks, I've been attempting to course correct this pattern of thought by "staying in gratitude", "reality testing", and "thought stoppage". Much to my surprise, the results have been positive. When such thoughts arise I say to them something like, "No thank you" or "I know what you're doing and I choose not to accept it". I feel like I'm getting to know myself better, because I know exactly what prompts the dark thoughts and I know their goal. When you know those things, it's harder for the thoughts to take shape in reality. They're actually fake-thoughts based in fear that only become real when you accept them as fact. But if you cut them off, you start to recognize the little game your lizard brain is playing.

JOURNAL ENTRIESTim KailFebruary 15, 2025wwe, aew, captain america, the avengers, endgame, thor, podcasting, the work of wrestling

Tim Kail's Wrestling Journal, 2/13/25

For this blog entry I simply want to reflect on the state of my wrestling fandom and The Work Of Wrestling. It's not a review or an essay - think of it as a journal entry with little structure. I wrote it because I felt like it with no immediately apparent purpose. Let’s see what shakes loose.

For the past six weeks I've watched and reviewed Monday Night Raw. During that time I've also caught up on AEW Dynamite. One show is not particularly better than the other. They share so many similarities that their differences hardly register. If I showed one show to a non-fan and then the other show a few minutes later and asked them to tell the difference, I don't think they'd be able to.

I'm particularly perturbed by AEW's backstage camerawork.

It's indistinguishable from WWE's, and they've even started doing that thing where the camera lingers on the subject or interviewer for a few seconds after the scene is over. I cannot fathom why AEW would do this. Someone in a position of power is actively making this terrible creative decision. There is no visual wrestling rule book dictating it be done this way. Also, don't they want to distinguish themselves from WWE? Why not do so in easy, simple ways like camerawork?

JOURNAL ENTRIESTim KailFebruary 13, 2025journal, raw, aew, wwe, Seth rollins, criticism, arts criticism

Professional Wrestling Heals Us

I’ve recently come out of a depression.

I didn’t even know I was depressed until, around September of last year, I started feeling better about work, life, and art. I experienced the mental equivalent of clouds parting after a storm, and a warm beam of sunlight cutting through the dark. The juxtaposition of mindsets was so palpable that I realized, “Oh, I was depressed!”

That depression lasted for about two years and it manifested as a kind of dull, throbbing ache, a sense that something was about to go wrong at any moment. At my day job I struggled to decide what task to undertake next. I didn’t have a schedule (big mistake when you have bipolar!) and I would wander, aimlessly in my mind from one potential tragedy to the next. At home I was better, but I wasn’t really enjoying my life either.

To enjoy life seemed like a luxury I couldn’t afford.

How did I deal with this depression?

10 Ways Pro-Wrestling Changed My Life

I’m thirty six years old and I’ve been a wrestling fan for about twenty four of them. In that time, pro-wrestling has played a pivotal role in my life, serving as more than mere entertainment. Pro-wrestling has inspired me to be a better writer, a better podcaster, and a better person.

It has enlightened me on the role art plays in our lives, and it’s made me appreciate the craft that goes into constructing a wrestling match. I’ve gained friends and colleagues through pro-wrestling, people I trust and admire. Put simply, I can’t separate my growth as a person from my fandom of pro-wrestling. Realizing that, I decided to create this list, Ten Ways Pro-Wrestling Changed My Life.

Let’s begin…

The Importance Of Poses And Gestures In Professional Wrestling

Much, if not all, of pro-wrestling’s artistry is meant to contribute to a wrestler’s identity. Their entrance music, body language, move-set, catchphrases, and look all coalesce into a character. Neglect one aspect of characterization and the rest may suffer. For a wrestler to really resonate in the minds of the audience, they must have a completely drawn identity that is consistent across every tool in the wrestler’s tool box. Their music, for example, should sound like it comes directly from that wrestling character’s soul. Their attire should reflect the character’s tone. Their phraseology should be consistent with the character’s aesthetic. Their moves should represent a fighting style that character would actually use.

There are other less obvious ways a wrestler tells their story, though.

EDITORIALSTim KailJanuary 7, 2023pose, gesture, wwe, aew, the acclaimed, daddy ass, ass boys, max caster, the rock

Three Ways AEW Can Improve In 2023

I’ve been watching AEW Dynamite since it premiered on October 2nd, 2019.

Three years on from that date, I’m happy to report I still love the show. At its best it is genuinely compelling television comparable to anything else in the medium, weaving effortlessly between drama and comedy. The in-ring action has been spectacular, showcasing some of, if not the absolute best talent in all of professional wrestling.

Tony Khan’s wrestling buffet works, the blend of styles and sensibilities complimenting rather than stifling one another. While it’s still a relatively new wrestling show, I feel safe asserting that AEW has produced the most consistently excellent weekly wrestling product I have, personally, ever experienced.

If you find that hyperbolic then I should reiterate consistent is the key word there.

Professional Wrestling Is Good For My Mental Health

For the past few months, I’ve been watching Monday Night Raw, AEW Dynamite, and Friday Night SmackDown every week. It’s been fun, and reminiscent of the early days of my pro-wrestling fandom where I watched totally devoted. Establishing this routine has made it easier to get through the work-week. Each day, I remind myself that wrestling awaits and it helps the next handful of hours pass a little quicker.

My favorite of the bunch is Dynamite. It’s the most inventive and naturalistic, featuring a fantastic cast of colorful characters. There’s the super serious sort like Jon Moxley and Hangman Adam Page and the hilarious sort like Orange Cassidy and The Best Friends. Unlike WWE-television, Dynamite has an actually funny sense of humor - that is to say comedy in AEW is genuinely amusing and not cringe-inducing. Dynamite also features wrestling matches with stories rather than wrestling matches as time-filler.

The Wrestler's Motif

Every wrestler is a motif. The more well-thought out and well-executed the motif, the easier it is for that wrestler to connect with an audience.

(Before going any further, it’s useful for you to know that a motif is a recurring theme in narrative. It’s an idea like “what is justice?” examined by characters in a story or the author of a novel or the director of a film, etc.)

The wrestler has many tools at their disposal for articulating their recurring theme. Let’s focus on six: the wrestler’s name, the wrestler’s attire, the wrestler’s entrance music, the names of their signature and finishing moves, the wrestler’s gestures, and the wrestler’s catchphrases.

There is perhaps no motif more consistent than The Undertaker’s.

Tim KailDecember 12, 2022wwe, motif, the undertaker, wardlow, aew, vince mcmahon, Tony khan, wrestlemania, promo, entrance, catchphrase

Why We Love Professional Wrestling

“You know it’s fake, right?”

Most pro-wrestling fans have heard this question in some form at some point in their lives. They’ve worked up the courage to admit they’re a pro-wrestling fan and then they’re met with peculiar stares, snorts of laughter, or the dreaded f-word, “fake”.

On behalf of all wrestling fans allow me to answer…yes! We know it’s fake!

As I’ve matured as a wrestling fan the less interested I’ve become in “regular people’s” opinions of it (or me). If someone judges me negatively, even slightly, for loving professional wrestling then it is I who feel bad for them - not the other way around. The issue of pro-wrestling’s fakeness is not a problem for professional wrestling fans. We do not attend WrestleMania and feel deceived when we notice a softly delivered punch. We’re not confused when a wrestler climbs to the top rope to spring through the air and come crashing down on their opponent. And we’re not convinced the bad guy is evil and the good guy is good. We understand what we’re watching. We “get it”.

EDITORIALSTim KailNovember 21, 2022wwe, aew, Chris jericho, sami zayn, professional wrestling, professional wrestling blog

Escape Into Professional Wrestling

I have a day job. I work 9-5, Tuesday through Friday. It pays the bills and provides me and my wife with healthcare. My commute is a seven minute walk and my supervisors are kind, thoughtful people. As I age, the more I value these benefits. I see these aspects of my job as rare and precious, but when you’re in the daily grind of human existence it’s easy to lose sight of the good and slip into rumination on the bad. I’m in therapy, I take antidepressants and anti-psychotics, and I practice several cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques to cope with the darker corners of my consciousness. Even so, with all these benefits, it’s still not enough to get me through the day.

“Well it pays the bills…” or “You have healthcare…” or “You have a good therapist…” doesn’t answer a particular yearning in the soul. What is that need - that part of you that’s unmoved by the objective positives in your life?

What is it you’re searching for?

The Writings