Sometimes I'll be sitting calmly at my desk at work when I'll remember something particularly embarrassing from my past. A girl I tried to flirt with who wasn't having any of it. Something deplorable I said in middle school. That time I hurt a friend's feelings.
Such memories are accompanied by the following thought, "I hate myself". Then there's a whole other category of dark thoughts related to mortality that pop up like Wack-A-Moles. I'll find myself with nothing to do after completing a task, and then the dread slips in, seducing me into a tiny spiral, "What does any of this mean?"
For the past few weeks, I've been attempting to course correct this pattern of thought by "staying in gratitude", "reality testing", and "thought stoppage". Much to my surprise, the results have been positive. When such thoughts arise I say to them something like, "No thank you" or "I know what you're doing and I choose not to accept it". I feel like I'm getting to know myself better, because I know exactly what prompts the dark thoughts and I know their goal. When you know those things, it's harder for the thoughts to take shape in reality. They're actually fake-thoughts based in fear that only become real when you accept them as fact. But if you cut them off, you start to recognize the little game your lizard brain is playing.
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